


A Very Private Man

by KatesBrain



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, POV Multiple, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatesBrain/pseuds/KatesBrain
Summary: Cullen was straight.  He had always been straight.  Sexuality, he assumed, wasn't something that changed.  It was a fixed point, a defining feature of a person.  Finding out he was wrong took a bit of getting used to.





	1. The Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> All done - hope you enjoy :)  
> **  
> 

Remnants of the dream teased at Cullen's subconscious, dancing just out of reach, but it was definitely a _good_ dream.  It had been a long time since he'd woken like this, relief easing through his muscles, a patch of damp to the side of his navel.  Inquisition work, sleeplessness, lyrium withdrawal, had all kept that sort of impulse at bay for a long time now. 

He mused idly as he stretched, wondering where this spark of lust had sprung from.  Elva perhaps? Only yesterday, a messenger had brought letters through to them in the Storm Coast, and at the news that she was coming to help out he couldn't stop himself from grinning like an idiot for the next hour or so.  She wasn't due for at least a couple of months because of obligations to her family estate, but it would be good to see her again.  Although years had passed since they last saw each other - as friends - he still thought back fondly on the sweetness of their time together as experimental youths when they had started their templar training. 

Sounds from outside his tent broke through his train of thought, with Sera's voice in particular ringing clear through the Storm Coast campsite.  

"I might not own a tub and have servants to fetch my water, but I know how to wash!  We've been here over a week restoring the port and killing red beastie templars and I swear you haven't so much as looked at soap and water once.  It's hot and it's too muddy to tell what's mud and what's animal-shite, and if I could do magic right now, I would.  I'd stuff my nostrils right up and blast you into the sea!  You smell like Coryphitit's streaky underpants and it makes me want to vomit!  Disgusting.  All of you."

"Ahem, Sera, I must interject at your use of the word 'all'."

"You don't count, Dorian: I think the world might end if you stopped fawning over your appearance and turned into just another smelly soldier.

"You do it with magic, though," Sera added thoughtfully.  "Does that actually get you properly clean?  I bet it just hides the dirt and smells but isn't any real good."

"I'll have you know that nothing can get you as clean as magic."  Dorian was clearly insulted at her implication, but then his tone lightened and he added, "Rumours are that's why the templars and mages had their split in the first place."

"Inquisiboss, you're just as stinky as the others.  As a mage, what do you think - magic or soap and water?"

"Nothing can beat a bit of soap infused with embrium.  Cleaning spells don't feel quite as refreshing to me."

"You're obviously doing something wrong," Dorian said lasciviously.  "Maybe you need some extra, private tuition..."

"I'd watch that," Bull quipped with a dirty laugh. 

"Ugh! Men! Manbits!  Here, soap.  Take some.  Take lots.  Lots for everyone.  No embrium, though; got no posh stuff for you here."

Cullen chuckled softly to himself as he wiped his belly on the sheet and sat up reaching for his armour.  A sudden bang on the tent made him drop his boots his surprise.

"And you can join them, too, Commander of the stinkies.  You were well ripe yesterday.  You can all clear off to the river.  I _won't_ be watching!"

**

Holding soap and drying-cloth in one hand, Cullen eased himself over the ridge and down to the river, grasping at the occasional sapling with his free hand for balance.  Everything seemed more vivid today: the touch of sapling bark under his fingers, the sound of leaves rustling in the cooling breeze.  He felt unusually alert and invigorated.  An after-effect of his illicit dream, he suspected, and he had taken the long route to try to burn off some of the excess energy.  Cullen could hear the splashes and laughs ahead, hidden by a covering of more mature trees, reminiscent of times spent on the road with the templars.  Comrades together relishing a moment of peace between days or weeks of intensity.

The past week had been tough and, although he'd been through much worse, this would be a welcome reprieve from the constant demands of life in the Inquisition.  As he rounded the final descent, he saw about a half a dozen of his soldiers alongside most of the Bull's chargers and some of the Inquisitor's inner circle, all enjoying the open water.  A lone figure was bathing further up, barely visible: Krem.  Whether the man felt obligated to isolate himself or content to bathe alone, Cullen wasn't able to say, but he could guess how discomforting moments like these might be for him and his unwanted body. 

"Commander, nice to see you joining us," Dorian called out. 

Cullen smiled back and waved before diplomatically choosing to undress behind a conveniently placed boulder, just in case Bull or Dorian were tempted to make any unprofessional comments.   As much as he felt comfortable bathing with them, he didn't fancy being the subject of their innuendos.  Slipping into the water, he stretched and groaned contentedly at the way it supported his aching muscles.   There was no rush, no decisions to be made and no demons to battle: a wonderful opportunity to sit back and relax. 

Much time was lost that morning, conversation was free and easy and, for the most part, innuendo-free.  The only exception being Bull's suggestion that Dorian might like to join him and the Inquisitor back at Skyhold one night so he could experience getting really dirty.  Most laughed at this, except for a disdainful Blackwall who said that Bull might want to pay the Inquisitor a little more respect, but the Inquisitor had insisted it wasn't a problem.  Unsurprisingly, Blackwall didn't seem convinced but Cullen knew that although this sort of teasing and flirting was commonplace there was never any real intention behind it.  He smiled at the thought of how relaxed the Inquisitor had become recently: the relationship between him and Bull certainly seemed to be good for him.

When some of the soldiers began to disperse, Cullen waited for Dorian and, a little while later, Bull to leave before rising from the water and starting to dry himself off.  Movement from the Inquisitor wading out to the shallows and emerging from the river caught Cullen's attention, and it was then that he experienced an unexpected jolt in the pit of his stomach, a rush of heat coursing downwards towards his groin.  He glanced down hurriedly, focusing on drying and dressing, telling himself that it was nothing more than a remnant of the dream he'd had and the hormones that were still left in his system with no real subject to fixate on. 

As he turned to leave and make his way back to camp, he became aware of the silence.  Everyone else had now left, even Krem had abandoned his private bathing area.  There was just Cullen and... And there it was again, that sensual jolt, along with his breath catching in his throat as he caught sight of the Inquisitor lying naked on a rock ten yards or so off to one side, drying himself in the sun.  For a moment, he was transfixed.  The Inquisitor was laid out on his back, arms stretched up on either side of his face and eyelids closed as if dozing in the warming rays as they shone down on to his pale body.  His very _male_ body.  Cullen swallowed and felt his pulse and breath quicken.  Out of equal parts fear and shame, he tore his gaze away and began walking in earnest away from a sight he had never anticipated to affect him so physically.

Halfway back, he paused for a moment and closed his eyes, assessing what had actually happened.  Could it still just be those leftover desires from sleep?  The image of the naked Inquisitor came clear to his mind and the sensation was immediate.  He'd seen enough naked men in his time and never had he reacted, never had he been tempted, never had he wanted....  Wanted.... He didn't know exactly, only that it was carnal and left him weak at the knees.  But this was the Inqusitor, his colleague, his friend, Bull's lover.  Shaking his head to clear the lustful fires that were starting to build, he opened his eyes once more and focussed on the sights around him: trees, birds, clouds, tents in the near distance.  Normality.  Back to normality.  Bull's bellowing laugh from one side of the camp brought him up sharp.

Maker help him if Bull and his Ben Hassrath training ever cottoned on to his unwanted reaction.


	2. Inner Demons

Mahanon stretched and winced at the fresh bruises he could feel blossoming over his body.  He rolled over and leaned into Bull's warm skin, letting that ease the aches somewhat.  His thoughts were clear again, the strains of being Inquisitor having been stripped from him under the careful administrations of Bull.  Letting his mind wander over recent events in the Storm Coast, Exalted Plains and how things had been progressing at Skyhold, he frowned at the one persistent niggle that left him feeling annoyed.

"I miss him."

"Who?" Bull asked, idly moving a strand of hair from Mahanon's face as he did so.

"Cullen.  I think he's avoiding me but I don't know why.  Outside of the war room, I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks, " Mahanon explained, finally putting his background sense of frustration into words.  "You know we convened this morning to plan repairing the bridge in the Exalted Plains tomorrow?  I called after him when we left to see if we could spend some time together but he said he was expected by Cassandra.  Said they were to discuss if the new blades forged with dawnstone were any good.  I saw her at sunset and asked if they'd come to any decision, and she said she hadn't seen him yet to talk about it."

"Perhaps someone else way-laid him.  There's always someone needing to speak to you and the Commander."

"Perhaps."

He was worried.  After being there to support Cullen with his lyrium withdrawal, he had wondered whether things in that area had gone awry and been the cause of his avoidance, but Cassandra had assured him that was not the case.  It was a relief, albeit a small one, that Cullen was still confiding in someone, and Bull could be right: Mahanon certainly knew how busy life could get in the positions they held.  But still, time after time, he had found Cullen's room empty and he couldn't shake the feeling it was because of something he had done.  He assumed that they had become friends and it rankled him that there might be something Cullen couldn't discuss with him.   

"Hey," Bull called out softly, "come back to me."  Bull tenderly tilted Mahanon's chin to one side and looked into his eyes.  "Your time with me is supposed to help switch you off, take you away from the demands and concerns of being Lord Inquisitor."

"Sorry.  I did enjoy it.  I guess I'm just more tired than I realised."

"With a head that busy, I'd say you're not tired enough; I'm obviously not doing my job properly."  Bull reached out to pin Mahanon's hands above his head.  Slowly and firmly, he ran his free hand down Mahanon's side, letting his nails drag along the skin.  "I think I should have another try.  We need to make sure you sleep soundly tonight: got a busy day in the Plains tomorrow."  He leaned in and bit down hard on a still-sensitised nipple drawing a gasp from Mahanon.  "You might be able to catch him then; grab a moment while he supervises the repairs.  For now, I want _all_ of your attention on me."

**

Frying pans and fires, Cullen mused in frustration.  But was there any other way this day could have gone?  Avoiding the Inquisitor or not, he still would've ended up distracted and most likely in a similarly dangerous moment.  He should be grateful they had arrived in time to stop him from being possessed by that damn demon.

To say that he missed the Inquisitor's company was one hell of an understatement.  Added to that was the feeling of guilt at jumping through hoops in his efforts to avoid being alone with the man.  And then there was a nice dose of shame to boot, for lying outright the day before.  He hated doing it but he couldn't trust himself and he was starting to suspect his desire was linked to lyrium withdrawal: obsessions being another of many side effects.  Just one more day, he hoped, another hour, just enough time for more of it to leave his system and they could go back to their previously easy friendship. 

That morning, the Inquisitor and his party had initially chosen to hang around when repairs on the bridge had begun offering help where they could, which was welcomed.  Frequent attempts at conversation by the Inquisitor was less welcome and Cullen dictated the flow of their dialogue at every opportunity, only allowing topics of a professional nature to be broached between the two of them.  After an hour or so, Cullen's soldiers had the work under control, so the Inquisitor's party went off to give more supplies to the Dalish before finally returning with yet another contact for the Inquisition.  It was on his return that the Inquisitor made a suggestion that left Cullen with a sinking feeling.  Unfortunately, Bull, Dorian and Solas had readily agreed to it.

"Come with us, over the bridge.  Your troops are done here.  Give them some time to recover before heading back to Skyhold.  And we'll probably need the extra pair of hands."

How could he have refused?

They were right, though: the extra pair of hands did prove useful.  Demon after demon.  Undead and more undead.  Brief pauses before the next fight started.  It was exhilarating.  And distracting.  The Inquisitor swift and precise with his staff.  No second wasted: barrier, cold blast at a demon, fire directed at a group of undead, back to the demon, another barrier.  Flowing movements like a dance, sure hands directing magic at the hoard that had so often seemed to surround them.  Face a picture of concentration, bottom lip hanging open ever so slightly.  The moment Cullen had noticed this little detail was the moment he had lost his footing.  Down he fell, heavily into a trench.  Thought he'd heard a shout and then he blacked out.

When he opened his eyes, it was like being in a lucid dream.  Blurred edges.  Frame of a naked body kneeling over him.  Smell of embrium filling his senses... the Inquisitor...

"This is what you want,"  the Inquisitor breathed.  A wiry, elfish hand brushed against his own, pulled it closer and laid it on the curve of a naked hip bone.  "That's not enough, is it."  Moved his hand inwards and down, brushing over the hardened cock that jutted out between them.  The Inquisitor gasped at the touch and, unbidden, Cullen ran the back of his knuckles timidly up and down the length, breathing hard. 

The Inquisitor leaned closer, slipping a palm against Cullen's own hardened groin.  He cried out and arched his back, moaning loudly as that welcome palm rubbed harder and the Inquisitor brought his face to Cullen's neck mouthing at the sensitive skin from lobe to shoulder.  He turned his fingers to grasp at the length fully and-

Bang!  The Inquisitor was blasted from the side and knocked through the air.  Cullen followed the motion with his eyes, seeing the shape shift, fragment, colours dancing around it wildly.  Another blast and the form lay prone, motionless, a half-formed desire demon, not whole, not right.  Not as Cullen had known them to be. 

He starred in shock, still breathing heavily from their actions only moments before.

"Cullen, are you all right?"

Turning his head, he saw the Inquisitor.  The real Inquisitor.  Fully dressed, mages cloak, staff still in hand.  He tried to process what had happened.  Couldn't make sense of anything.

"Cullen!" the Inquisitor repeated, placing a hand on his shoulder.  "Talk to me."

"I... I'm okay," Cullen stuttered, feeling his face redden.  "What happened?"

"You fell, but we were outnumbered.  I couldn't get to you straight away.  Too many coming from the pit; we had to set it alight first.  That demon was over you...  I was afraid we were too late."

Cullen glanced over at the lifeless demon, looking like anything but a naked elf now.  He swallowed.  What if they had seen who the demon had imitated?  He looked back up at the Inquisitor's concerned face.  No, that was not the expression of someone who knew.

Head swimming from the fall, Cullen shakily got to his feet with the help of the Inquisitor and Dorian.  Solas was now looking over the demon's remains, studiously analysing them with a deep frown on his face. 

 "What sort of demon was that?" Cullen asked.

"It looks like a very young desire demon.  One that wasn't mature enough to leave the fade as older ones would.  It must have slipped through because of the unstable magic from the body pit.  A demon that young wouldn't have lasted long outside the fade without a more corporeal form.  It would have needed to possess the first living being it came across and focussed its shape-shifting ability on you."

Cullen felt relief from this final point but needed confirmation that no one else had seen it.  "Does that mean only I saw it change shape.  You all saw just its demon form?"

At Solas' affirmation, Cullen let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. 

"That was a _big_ sigh of relief, Commander," Bull said with a gleeful chuckle.  "We might not have seen who, but we did get an eyeful of your reaction.  So, who was pressing your buttons so well?"

"That's something you'll _never_ find out," Cullen snapped without thinking.

"Challenge accepted."  Bull grinned at him, a big, Ben-Hassrath, Qunari-spy type grin, and Cullen felt a cold shiver run down his spine as he stared back.  Then the grin morphed into a more calculating smile.  "I see.  It's definitely someone I know, then.  This is going to be interesting."


	3. An Observer's Insight

Grass under his feet, the scent of embrium in the air and light flickering down through the trees  - not a bad way to spend an afternoon, Mahanon considered, despite running into the occasional red templar.  They cleaned armour and weapons while resting on an outcrop of rock overlooking the stream with Villa Maurel in the distance and Mahanon let his mind drift, enjoying the peace that was anything like the non-stop pace back at Skyhold.  It should also have been a break from mulling over why Cullen was still avoiding spending time with him, but it kept coming back to annoy him. 

Cullen had clearly not been sleeping well lately, his face becoming more drawn and eyes darkened each time they had met in the war room.  He had even stopped confiding in Cassandra and she was starting to worry about his withdrawal - both from his friends and lyrium.  Nobody other than Mahanon and Cassandra knew about him stopping the lyrium and if that was going wrong, who would be able to help?   Mahanon started to chew thoughtfully on his bottom lip.  When they went to the Winter Palace next week, he would make sure to keep a careful eye on Cullen.  Hopefully, the Commander would be able to hold it together to play his part well enough while they investigated the plot on Celene's life. 

Evidently, the direction that his thoughts had taken was all too clear to Bull.

"If it's any consolation, Boss, he's avoiding me, too."   

"Are you surprised?" Mahanon said with a laugh.  "He's petrified you're going to find out his secret." 

"All in good time.  At the moment, he's keeping that very close to his chest: keeps running from me like a frightened little nug.  S'gotta be good."

"Any ideas who?"

"I think it's that old friend of his, Elva," Dorian piped up as he focussed on using magic to remove the mix of grass and blood stains from his leathers.  "He's let her name slip a few times when we've played chess, along with a fond smile whenever he did so.  He might be worried Bull will find out and spoil his plans."

Mahanon mused thoughtfully over this as he worked oil into the wood of his staff.  The first letter Cullen had received from Elva was around the time the Commander had stopped spending time with him.  Would that really be an issue, though?  She had been a templar, so it could be that she had a problem with the Inquisitor being a mage.  Cullen had made it clear he had previously been distrustful of mages and hadn't thought of mages as people, with this perspective only changing recently.  Would Cullen really start distancing himself now if an old flame turned up with those same prejudices?  Distance himself now so it didn't seem so jarring later?  This possibility irked him.  Would Cullen really be so easily swayed by someone from his past?  He hoped not: Mahanon had developed a deep respect for Cullen and didn't want to believe he had misjudged the man. 

"There are rumours they had a history together," Mahanon pointed out, "and Cassandra talks as if he's very keen to see her again.  Do either of you know what she's like?"

Bull shook his head and Dorian said, "Not much, just that she left the templars when her father got sick so she could help with their estate.  Possibly good timing if her branch had been one of those that ended up on red lyrium." 

Mahanon finished oiling his staff and ran his fingers along the length to check for areas of wood that he had missed.  He idly voiced his concern, "I hope she doesn't have a thing against mages.  After all, the Inquisition did side with them."

"And?" Bull asked, looking at him shrewdly.

"And maybe that's why Cullen is backing off from our friendship."

"Clutching at straws, boss?"

"Probably.  At least you know why he's avoiding you.  I still don't know what I've done wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong."  Mahanon glanced over at Cole, at his sudden contribution to their discussion.  The lad was often so quiet and blended into the background so well that Mahanon often forgot he was there.  Cole continued softly, "There's wanting and need and it confuses him so he turns away, hoping it will fade.  But the longing continues.  New.  Never felt like this before.  Never for another man.  Until now."

The four of them sat in silence, three staring agape at Cole.  It took a few seconds for the penny to drop, to realise that Cole was referring to him.  Mahanon had flirted with Cullen briefly in Haven - looking for nothing more than a bit of light relief with a stranger - but his response had made it quite clear that he only had eyes for women. 

Bull let out a long, low whistle.  "Well, shit.  That explains whys he's so messed up at the moment."

"Why wouldn't he say anything to me?"

"Oh come on, the straightest templar in the pack finding out he's unexpectedly bisexual," Dorian said with a laugh.  "You can't imagine our uptight Commander volunteering that information to anyone."  He looked from Mahanon to Bull and then back again, the amused smile growing on his face.  "Cullen knows you've taken Bull to your bed on a few occasions.  What if he thinks it's more than that?"

A bellow of laughter rose from Bull's chest.  "The look on his face when I said I'd find out who that demon was impersonating!"

"He must have been visualising his imminent demise," Dorian added.  "Poor sod."

Mahanon thought back to that day and felt a flush of heat rise in his cheeks.  Cullen had been lying on the floor, head stretched back, neck exposed, moaning in pleasure, his hand...  Oh, it was pretty obvious where his hand had been. 

"Looks like the Boss is considering the possibilities."

Mahanon looked up to see the pair of them smirking at him.  "I certainly wouldn't say no," he replied with a not-so-coy smile and then tried not to let his mind sink too far into depravity as Bull and Dorian continued with their banter.

"Cullen _is_ quite easy on the eye."

"Bull, is there _anyone_ you're not attracted to?"

"Hmm, Blackwall doesn't really do it for me. "

"But you'd still bed him."

"Yeah.  Under the right circumstances. "  Bull turned back to Mahanon.  "You need to talk to him."  Keeping their eye contact, he picked up his maul, wrapped a soft cloth around its handle and began to polish it suggestively, adding, "And then maybe you could do a few other things to him, as well."

"It's not as if I haven't been trying... to talk, that is.  He's been doing a damn fine job of staying away from me."

"Yeah, that's a tough one.  Dorian and I will have a think about it, see what we can do. 

"Don't either of you go telling anyone about this."

Bull feigned offense and replied, "Ex-spy here.  I _can_ keep a secret."

"Not even Cullen: I want to be the one to talk to him first," Mahanon insisted.  Given Cullen's reaction, he suspected that some light-hearted teasing wouldn't go down well at all.  A sudden thought struck him and he glanced round for the fourth member of their party, who was sat off to one side, back to blending in with his surroundings.  "Cole, promise me you won't say anything like that about Cullen in front of other people?"

"Just you?"

"No, not even me.  If it's about Cullen, then only say it to Cullen: this was personal.  You could hurt him more if others found out."


	4. A Door is Opened

Mahanon was amused by the titters around the ballroom as he danced with Bull, who was clearly just as amused at being the centre of such a scandal.  It was a nice way to end their evening at the Winter Palace.  Events had gone relatively smoothly with the assassination plot successfully foiled and the Inquisition seeming to gain good standing within the court.  Part of him did wonder whether that latter point was now being thrown out of the window by his openly dancing with a Qunari, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Tired?" Bull asked as the music came to an end along with their dancing.

"Not yet," Mahanon replied with a shake of his head.  A few aches, maybe, but he was still too full of adrenalin to think about retiring and trying to sleep. 

"Good to hear it."

Despite expecting to remain in the ballroom longer, to socialise and dance some more, he found Bull surreptitiously leading them back to the guest rooms as they chatted.  Clearly Bull had plans for wearing him out and that would be an ever better end to the evening than their dance. 

With these thoughts in mind, he was taken aback when Bull stopped by a solid wooden door and announced, "This is me.  Shouldn't be long before Dorian turns up for a bit of fun."  He nodded further up the corridor.  "Your room is right up the end."

"But, I said I wasn't tired."

Bull winked back at him and added, "Next to Cullen's room.  Out of the way, like.  When Josephine was organising the rooms we'd need, Dorian suggested it might be a good idea for the two of you to be a little more out of reach.  So you could have a break from being constantly pestered - although it would be the perfect opportunity for you to pester him."

A broad smile erupted on his face .  It had been another week without being able to talk to Cullen and he was starting to believe an opportunity might never actually arise.  

"Thank you," he said warmly, drawing Bull's face down for a chaste kiss.  "Do you think he'll be far behind us?  I got the impression he hated it, especially with all the attention he was getting."

"He's already there, left while we were dancing.  Think he was jealous that I was manhandling his crush."  Bull chuckled as he opened his door and stepped inside.  Turning back briefly, he winked and added, "By the way, Dorian's left a present for you on your bed."

He hurried along to his room to freshen up.  On the middle of his bed lay a dusty bottle with a note attached: _Enjoy your night of debauchery, D x_.  It was a bottle of Antivan port with the name 'A Night of Shame' emboldened across the label and Mahanon laughed to himself at Dorian's choice.  The label would have to be kept out of sight from Cullen, however, at least initially.  If things went well, he could share that with him later.  Taking off his formal gloves, he picked up the bottle in one hand and, with the other, collected up two glasses by their stems from the table.  Time to finally get things out in the open.

"Who is it?" Cullen called out after Mahanon knocked. 

He chose not to answer: he was not going to risk Cullen refusing to open the door if he knew who was there.  Instead, he knocked a second time. 

Cullen's face held a weary expression as the door finally creaked open, but then he registered who was standing outside and immediately tensed up, shuffling over slightly so that he fully blocked the doorway. 

"We need to talk," Mahanon stated simply.

"I'm tired.  I... I was just about to get some sleep."  Cullen started to step back and shut the door, adding, " Goodnight, Inquistor."

Putting his foot in the doorway, Mahanon pushed forwards.  There was no way he was prepared to let this opportunity go to waste and he had had enough of Cullen avoiding him. 

"I'm not leaving," he said shoving the door back open with the hand holding the bottle.  He then forced his way past Cullen who scowled furiously back at him as he strode into the room.

"What the devil do you think you're doing?!"

"We need to talk," he repeated, noting an elaborately carved chaise longue and low table over by the fireplace.  It was on this table that Mahanon placed the two glasses and he poured out a generous serving of port into each, setting the bottle down carefully so the label was hidden against a vase of flowers.  He sat at the far end and looked over at Cullen.  "I'll go, if you want me to, but only once we've sorted this out."

Cullen stood, gaping at him from the still open doorway.  There was a slight shift to his features, a suggestion of resignation and then he swallowed, reluctantly closing the door.  Inwardly, Mahanon relaxed a little.  There had been a moment of worry that Cullen was going to resist, demand he leave, make a scene loud enough for others to hear along the corridor. 

He sipped at the port and watched Cullen shuffle across the room and perch stiffly on the other end of the chaise longue.  Cullen clutched at his glass, knocking back a large gulp  and then stopping suddenly to look at the small amount of liquid he had left.

"My... that's a wonderfully delicate vintage.  Probably should be savoured a bit more.  What is it?"

"Antivan port.  A present from Dorian," Mahanon replied, sipping thoughtfully at his own as he continued to study Cullen. 

The room drifted into silence for a few moments, broken only by the sounds of the crackling fire, and Mahanon lost patience with his initial idea of giving Cullen the chance to lead the conversation, decide the way it played out.  It was obvious the Commander wasn't going to make this easy.

"You've been avoiding me.  I thought I had done something wrong but Cole..., " he hesitated, not wanting to spook Cullen with too much too soon.  "He explained in his usual cryptic way that wasn't the case."

"No, it wasn't anything you did," Cullen relied evenly, holding his gaze steadily on the flames in front of them.  He sipped at the little port he had left, cradling the glass in his hands as if to steady them.  "I guess I should thank you for whatever you said to Cole.  Yesterday, he nearly said a few choice words in front of Cassandra but held himself back until she left because you'd asked him to be more careful.  Cassandra was most put out."  A small smile crept onto his face and he let out a light chuckle.  Then the edges of his mouth flattened as centre of his brow twitched downwards into a frown and he cautiously asked, "Why did you tell Cole this?  What exactly did he say to you?"

Mahanon considered his words carefully and then said, "Just that you were experiencing something new and were keeping to yourself as you tried to get your head around it all."  He paused to take a breath before pushing the boat out a little further.  "Get your head around the fact that you were now longing for someone.  He implied it was me."

Cullen's face flushed instantly.  "Oh, Maker...   _Longing_!  What a word to use!"  His hand shook slightly as he placed the glass on the table and then rubbed nervously at the back of his neck with palm and fingers.  "To be clear, I didn't want this to affect our friendship.  I don't want it to affect how we work together, the running of the Inquisition," he rambled.  "It's only... it's...  I'm sorry.  It must seem like such a silly thing.  A stupid crush that I've let dominate the way I've behaved around you and it's probably only a side effect of lyrium withdrawal anyway: a stupid obsession as that damn stuff works its way out of my system.  I feel like such a fool."

Attracted to him because of lyrium?  Mahanon considered this and didn't care much for the taste of it.  If that really was the reason, why would Cole speak out the way he did?  Was the lad incapable of telling the difference between a chemically-induced state and real desire?  And if it was lyrium, how long would it last?  Would it help or hurt to let Cullen indulge in it for the time being?  Cullen gave him a cautious sideways glance and Mahanon remembered something he had said a moment ago.  

Moving nearer to place a hand on Cullen's shoulder, he spoke softly, "Tell me what Cole said to you."

Staring back at the fire, Cullen drew in a couple of large breaths and began talking with his voice guarded.

"He, er, muttered a few things about doors.  That I'd seen a new one I'd never noticed before and... and that I was scared of what was on the other side."  Cullen paused and Mahanon got the distinct impression there was more.  He kept quiet, giving Cullen's shoulder a comforting squeeze.  "He told me it would be okay, though, because you'd... you'd be there on the other side and you'd help me... explore."

It was at this moment that Mahanon knew staying the night was a distinct possibility but resisted the urge to let this show upon his face.  Moving his hand down to intertwine it between Cullen's tense fingers, he said, "I'd do that for you.  If that's what you want."

Cullen jerked his head up in surprise, looking confused at Mahanon's offer.  "I...um..." he stammered, drawing his hand back a little too swiftly and then leaning forward to take solace in the port, pouring out a fresh glass for himself.  "But your relationship with Bu--" 

His words were cut short as he caught sight of the label and raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"Dorian's idea of a joke," Mahanon explained. 

Any flush that had previously been staining Cullen's cheeks disappeared instantly and his face paled in mortification.  "He knows you're here?"

"Cole said those things in front of both him and Bull but it's okay," Mahanon quickly explained, hoping this wouldn't put Cullen off.  "They'll be discreet, but it's why I asked Cole to think about what he says when others are around.  Even if it had just been one of them , they would have gossiped about it anyway on one of their night-time trysts: those two seem to share everything nowadays." 

"Dorian and Bull?" Cullen asked.  The frown was back and he appeared positively bewildered at this news.  "I'm so confused: I thought you and Bull were involved."

"No, well, not exclusively.  It's not a relationship, as such, more an arrangement of convenience.  Just something that's been needed occasionally to unwind."

"What about Dorian?  Have you and he...?"

"No!  We did talk about it once, but we're just not each other's type."

Cullen continued to stare at him leaving Mahanon wondering what direction his thoughts were taking. 

"So, " Cullen began tentatively, "you're..." 

"Free to do whatever you want tonight," Mahanon finished for him.

His face still unreadable, Cullen took Mahanon's glass placing it on the table next to his own.  Turning back, his eyes flickered back and forth between Mahanon's eyes and mouth for a moment before moving forwards to kiss Mahanon firmly.

There was passion but also restraint and Mahanon's breath was taken away by the underlying desire that seeped through in the way Cullen worked determinedly at his lips and smoothed fingers along the sides of his jaw.  Mouths opened wider, tongues dipping in to taste and tease and Mahanon lifted his own hands to run them along Cullen's side and sweep round to his back, drawing a shaky breath from Cullen as he did so.  A hand moved to the back of Mahanon's head, holding him just so, not enough pressure to hurt but just enough that Mahanon was held just as Cullen wanted him.  The potential power of the man left Mahanon feeling heady and already he was starting to harden.  Clutching at clothes, Mahanon held on as their kiss deepened, and then it was over, all too soon.  Cullen drew back slightly, breaths ghosting over Mahanon's skin.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he whispered running his hands downwards to rest on Mahanon's arms.  He looked unsure but also almost taken aback at his own desires and clearly needing more. 

"You're doing a pretty good job so far."  Mahanon studied Cullen's face for a moment, wishing the man would just follow his instincts and take what he wanted.  A little prompting was in order.  "Want to show me what that demon was doing to you?" he asked.

"That, er, might be moving a little too fast."

"Why too fast?"

"You were rather naked."

"I was naked?" Mahanon asked playfully, taking a moment to consider this.  He had always assumed desire demons could only physically manifest what was already known about a person.  "You must have had a pretty clear picture for the demon to be able to materialise like that.  Have you been spying on me, Commander?"

"No!  I... it wasn't intentional."

"When?"

"On the Storm Coast after we bathed.  You were drying yourself on a rock."

"And your eyes lingered longer than they should have?"

"Maybe a little. " Cullen dipped his head, looking abashed at his confession. 

"Well, that's a bit unfair," Mahanon said with a mock pout.  "If the demon was naked, then you were blatantly touching my cock.  And now that I get the chance to feel what that's like, it's too fast?"

Cullen mumbled out an adorable half-hearted protest which Mahanon cut off with a kiss.  As much as he was enjoying Cullen's embarrassment, he was also itching for more and wanted to find some way past this unsure side to Cullen, to lure out the beast he suspected lay within which just needed a little encouragement.  He pulled back from Cullen's hands, stood and stepped away from the couch a few paces, drawing Cullen's full attention.

"Well, you can look as much as you like tonight," he purred as he started to unfasten sash and buttons.  Undressing swiftly so Cullen wouldn't have the chance to protest, he made his way to the bed.  Let's reel him in, he thought as he laid down, raising his arms above his head, mirroring the way he loved to rest in the sunshine.  "And we can explore however you want.  Anything you're not comfortable with, we can stop at any time."

Boots clacked on the wooden floor as Cullen walked over, his breaths heavy and unsteady.  Mahanon gazed up at him watching Cullen remove those boots, and winked.  "You can leave the rest on, for now."

Cullen lay on his side and reached out slowly to draw soft fingers across Mahanon's chest.  He smoothed over the skin gently, running along ridges of bone and muscle, leaving Mahanon moaning softly in his wake, then leaning in to mouth at a nipple, then across to the other.  Gradually, his kisses became firmer, his hands more decisive, mapping the contours as teeth deliberately scraped at sensitive flesh.  Running his hands up Mahanon's arms to the wrists and pinning them down hard, Cullen leaned in for a crushing kiss. 

He drew back with a smile, pupils dark and lips moist.  "What have I done to deserve this?"

"Too fast?  Or not fast enough?"

"Kneel over me," Cullen whispered, lying back and pulling Mahanon towards him.  Placing a hand over each hip, he ran his fingers in circles, nails dragging in their wake.  He looked down between them where Mahanon's cock jutted out between them.  "This was how I woke up when the demon was on me."

Mahanon leant forward and brushed his lips against Cullen's neck.  "I could tell it was kissing you here." 

Cullen obligingly tilted his head to one side then reached out to pull on one of Mahanon's wrists, moved it inwards, lay it over his hardened groin.  Mahanon immediately pressed along the length with his palm, eliciting a deep and guttural groan which brought back a vivid memory of that day in the Plains. 

"Touch me like you touched that demon," he murmured against Cullen's neck.  Then there were knuckles ghosting over him, making him whimper at such a light touch.  Up and down, there but not quite, not quite enough but delicious in the sensations they elicited.  "You utter tease.  Don't you dare stop."

It was the sound of someone rapping on a door that made the pair of them freeze in their tracks.  Not Cullen's door, but just along the corridor.  This was followed by Cassandra's voice calling out, "Inquisitor?"

"Shit," Cullen muttered.  "She'll be here next."

"Shall I hide?" Mahanon asked, pulling back to see the panic in his face.  Cullen didn't answer; he didn't have to. 

Jumping off the bed, Mahanon scanned the room for somewhere safe, grabbing at clothes and glass as he did so.  A wardrobe sat in the corner of the room and he pulled open the door, looking back to see Cullen frantically smoothing down his clothes as he tried to hide the obvious erection, giving up and then reaching back to take a random book from the shelf above the headboard and resting it open across his lap.

"Enjoy!" Mahanon called out wickedly as he pulled the wardrobe closed and Cassandra knocked on the door. 

Thankfully, the wardrobe was empty so there was enough room to avoid being too cramped.  The wood was cold against his skin and, yes, that was definitely a splinter in an unfortunate place, but he suspected he had the better end of the deal.  Heart racing, he fought to keep his breaths quiet as he listened to the conversation outside.

"Commander?"

"Come in."

"Sorry to disturb you, but I was looking for the Inquisitor."

"He's probably sleeping: it's been a long evening.  I'm about ready for bed myself.  Can't it wait 'til morning?"

"I... ah... I suppose so.  I just wanted to make sure he's all right.  Do you... do you think things are okay between him and Bull?"

"That's really not my place to say, Cassandra.  Perhaps you should leave their private life alone."

"But I heard..."  Mahanon smirked at what she might have heard had she been near Bull's door that night.  "Oh, never mind.  Thank you for your time; I will let you get back to your book-- The Randy Dowager?"

"Oh, er..."  And now Mahanon was having to bite hard on his lip not to burst into laughter.  Of all the books for Cullen to pick up, and the hesitant, guilt-laden reply was only going to add fuel to the fire.  "I'd... I'd not really noticed... had only just... "

"Sorry, Commander, it's not my place to question your bedtime... reading habits.  I should go and leave you to er... good bye!"

As he heard the door closed, Mahanon tumbled out of the wardrobe doubled up in a silent guffaw.  Cullen's face had returned to its previous shade of crimson and he was handling the book with disgust.

"It's not funny.  I lifted the book automatically when she read the title and she stared... at my..."  He gestured at his rapidly diminishing erection.  "And now she thinks that I was _pleasuring myself_ while reading something like this!"

"You'd prefer it if she had found me naked in the wardrobe?"

"I'd prefer a third option," he replied stonily.  Chucking the offending book on the floor, he added, "Come back to bed."

"I've suffered for you, too, I'll have you know," Mahanon said as he walked awkwardly across the room.  "Are you any good with splinters?"

"Splinters?"

Mahanon laid face down next to Cullen and looked at him with pout.  "You have no idea how difficult it was to sit still with that in my backside."

Cullen trailed fingertips down his back and over the curve of his arse, stopping next to the offending fragment of wood.  "I'll do my best, but it might pinch a little."

"Oh, you can pinch me all you want.  But you must promise to kiss it better when you're done."

"Try and stop me," Cullen replied as he leaned over and, yes, it did pinch, but it also left Mahanon moaning into the pillow, especially when it was followed by lips and tongue and teeth.  He hoped neither of them would feel the need to sleep that night.  Even if this just turned out to be an infatuation inspired by lyrium, even if it was just a bit of temporary exploration, Mahanon was determined to make the most of their time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Antivan port 'A Night of Shame' is taken from the Trespasser DLC where it's on a list of drinks in the bar.


	5. Taking Stock

He grimaced at finding a new issue of The Randy Dowager on his desk discretely wrapped in linen.  The first one Cassandra had handed to him herself and Cullen had been too embarrassed to say anything.  When she commented that he'd seemed better lately and asked how he was coping, he'd been grateful for the change of subject.  Since then two more issues had appeared, once a fortnight, both wrapped discretely with nothing said directly by Cassandra but she held a coy smile as she came to discuss other things with him.  'Other things' were sometimes concern over the relationship between the Inquisitor and Bull as Dorian's involvement became more and more public.  Cullen tried to be as diplomatic as possible, tried to encourage her not to gossip, pointed out that they were grown men and if it worked for them, then it should be nobody else's business.  This was always going to be a problem with the relatively small community they had at Skyhold: too much opportunity for gossip and too many shared opinions on private matters.

Throwing the book upwards and through the hatch to his sleeping area, Cullen went back to sifting through the paperwork that had accumulated on his desk.  He found the completed requisition list for Josephine and made his way across to the main building.  It wouldn't take long to go through and then he could spend some more time catching up with Elva. 

In his rush to get the paperwork out of the way, he nearly walked headlong into Bull.

"Morning, Commander," Bull grunted at him, albeit with a warm smile.

"Bull," Cullen replied, feeling awkward around him as usual.  The Inquisitor had been right about him and Dorian not saying anything, but Cullen still wasn't comfortable that they knew. 

"I hear you had both the boss _and_ Dorian in your rooms last week."

"You know it wasn't like that."  He could see Bull was teasing him but he couldn't let the comment drop.  Cullen had fetched Dorian to deal with an alarming bruise on Mahanon's back - one left by Bull - that had been just out of reach for him to heal himself.  Mahanon had dismissed it, claiming it didn't hurt that much and would heal soon enough.  That might have been true, but Cullen didn't want a glaring reminder that the occasional night of intimacy was still going on between them.

Bull looked at him shrewdly and asked, "You want me be gentler with him?"

"It's fine," he said curtly, knowing in the back of his mind that Bull could probably read him like an open book.  No, it was not fine; yes, he was jealous.  But he could hardly ask them to stop when he wasn't prepared to be open about what he and Mahanon were doing.  That lack of openness made it difficult for them to spend time together, and he couldn't begrudge Mahanon for continuing to see Bull when he needed to unwind.  And besides, just what was he and Mahanon doing?  It had started out as just an opportunity to 'explore', nothing more had ever been discussed let alone promised between them.  "If that's what he needs, then..."

He left his sentence hanging and walked away from Bull, back towards Josephine and the welcome distraction that was Elva.  On the one hand, he was grateful that Mahanon was willing and able to indulge his attraction and that he had never been asked to 'go public' about their relationship; on the other, it was becoming clear that his feelings towards the Inquisitor were more than just lust-driven urges and definitely not a side effect of lyrium withdrawal.  Whether they were alone together at night after Mahanon snuck into his bed, were playing chess in the courtyard, had joined the others for a hand of wicked grace or were discussing strategy and politics at his desk, these moments always left Cullen with a smile on his face and a warm feeling inside.  Whenever Mahanon had gone on his expeditions, Cullen had missed him terribly.  He'd even surreptitiously kept hold of an unwashed undershirt so he could place it by his pillow to help him sleep better on those nights he was alone.

"Here's the latest on the requisitions," he announced as he walked up to Josephine's desk. 

"Oh, this is wonderful," she beamed back at him.  "More field tents, antivenom and elixir.  I'll make sure they are sent on as soon as possible.  Any news on the Arbor wilds?" 

"It's going well, but the bulk of our soldiers will be staying there for a bit longer.  They're making sure that we've rooted out the last of Corypheus' forces in the area before they head back.  Hopefully, Corypheus will be kept busy for the time being trying to regroup what little he has left."

She clipped the list to a board and asked Cullen to sign a couple of papers.  As she took pen and paper back from him, she asked, "So, how's Elva settling in?  I hear she's been quite helpful with training for the new volunteers."

"She's very patient with them - more than I could ever be!  Having an ex-templar around to keep them practising is certainly a boon while our troops are away."

"I bet it's nice to spend time with her again.  I understand you haven't seen each other for a few years."

"Yes, it's been wonderful to see her.  She's probably waiting for me now - I promised her a game of chess today."

"Enjoy yourself, Commander," Josie said with a suggestive smile.  "She seems very lovely."

He smiled politely and nodded a goodbye before turning away.  Yet another pointed comment, he mused as he made his way outside.  There had been many over the past fortnight since Elva's arrival, particularly from Josie, Cassandra and Blackwall, all of them appearing eager to hear news of a blossoming romance between the two of them.  Which was ironic, really, given his own thoughts on the matter a couple of months back when he had received that first letter.  Back then, he had considered if they might find something rekindled from years gone by.  Now she was here, their previous friendship had started up again as if no time had passed between them and it was completely uncomplicated by desire or flights of fancy.  That would have been an easy relationship to begin, though, he acknowledged.  Something he could have carried out publically - if he wasn't completely head over heels for Mahanon. 

Elva waved at him as he approached and he could see she'd set the board up already while she'd been waiting.

"Ready to get thrashed, Cullen?"

"I think you should be asking yourself that same question.  I've had quite a bit of practise recently."

"And I thought you said this place kept you very busy."  She winked at him and made a bold, first move.  "Perhaps you should spend some of your time helping me in the training ring."

"You do infinitely better with the new recruits than I could ever do.  Besides, I thought some of Bull's Chargers were helping."

"Oh, they've been brilliant, especially Krem.  Bull's taught him well for sword and shield work; good teacher, too."

They drifted into an easy banter for a while, discussing fighting tactics and this intermingled with the occasional jibe over each other's game play.  It soon became clear that Cullen's pieces were slowly being backed into a corner.

"How did you...?" he asked in astonishment, wondering how on earth he hadn't seen it coming when she swiped his queen from the board.

"You're not the only one practising lately: father's been sharing all his old strategies over the past few years.  You've never been able to beat him, have you."

"I guess I should have known how this was going to go," he said with a chuckle and shake of his head as he tried to work out how best to salvage the game.  "I do hope he's well.  How are things on the estate?"

"Still running as smoothly as ever," Elva began.  She gave a brief account of life back at home making it seem all very positive but there was a subtle change in her posture.  Something was off.

"That all sounds rather idyllic," he said, "but you're not telling me everything."

"No, I'm not."  She drew a deep breath and looked at him squarely in the face.  "It's father.  As he gets older, he gets more and more entrenched in his idea of how people should live.  He really doesn't like that I'm still single.  I'm happy as I am but he doesn't understand and keeps pushing for me to 'settle down'.  I think he had high hopes for us meeting up again.  No offence, Cullen, but I have no intentions of getting involved with anyone."

Elva had kept her tone light, but evidently she had been fielding expectations from her father for a while.

"It must be difficult for you," he said with what he hoped was a comforting smile.

"I bet you get it on occasion from your friends and colleagues.  A couple of people have made it clear you haven't been in a relationship for some time."

"It's... it's been a long time since I've wanted anyone in my life."  He trailed off, not wanting to lie outright to Elva but too unsure to explain about Mahanon. 

"Now you're the one who's not telling me everything."  She made her final move on his king and sat back to study him.  "You're seeing someone, aren't you?  Go on, tell me, what's she like?"

"Yes, I..."  He felt that she had him backed into a corner just as she had in their game, but he was still finding it a huge effort to be honest.  "I am involved with someone, but..." 

Cullen was stumped at what to say next.  He was finally on the verge of confiding to someone; he wanted to talk to her but thought of saying it aloud made him terribly nervous.  A part of him was scared that putting it into words would highlight how ridiculous it was: him in love with another man.  And explaining the full extent of their situation would only emphasise how unlikely it was to develop into something more meaningful. 

The presence of a scout walking towards them saved him from providing further detail, however. 

"Commander, the Inquisitor and his party have just returned from the Arbor Wilds.  He's requested to meet in the war room."

"I'll be there right away."  He stood and turned to Elva, saying, " Apologies, but duty calls"

"We _will_ talk later, I hope."


	6. Bull in a China Shop

Bull bit down enthusiastically into his deer meat, enjoying the feel of warm grease on his chin.  They'd done it.  No more Corypheus and Bull had been a part of that.  As tired as he was, he was still riding high on the thrill of success, of getting to wipe that loathsome shit from the earth, and getting to fight another dragon had been fucking fantastic.  The main hall was abuzz with chatter as they all sat either side of the long tables, refuelling with a celebratory, if somewhat exhausted, breakfast.  There would be time to rest after, and later that evening they'd be returning to take part in the more official celebrations that Josie was already busy planning.  Only one person concerned him: Cassandra Pentaghast.

Twitchy and annoyed summed it up for Bull.  Cassandra fidgeted with cutlery, shifted constantly in her seat, picked at her food and wore a determined frown that didn't leave her face even as she pretended to smile at those around her.  Oh yes, she had a bee in her bonnet about something and it was only a matter of time before she let it burst out and sting someone. 

It didn't take long.

"Why did you lie to Elva?" 

The question was clearly spoken and tinged with anger.  Slowly all conversation around their table petered to a halt, eyes switching back and forth between her and Cullen.  She glared at him sitting diagonally across from her and he stared back through tired eyes, caught off guard and obviously not picking up her reference.  Bull glanced down a few seats to Elva who looked appalled at this sudden cross-examination on her behalf.

With their table now in silence, Cassandra repeated the question, "Why did you lie to her?"

"What?  I didn't."

"You told her you were seeing someone."

So the Commander finally found the balls to say something and, boy, did he look like he was regretting it now.  His face had paled and he looked like another rift opening up right there in the hall would be a gift from the Maker.  Bull could see the internal war waging in Cullen's head.  To continue this discussion meant public exposure, something he had keenly avoided, but he didn't seem to have many options when facing down the wrath of the Seeker.  To be completely honest, having to deal with it now, with this many onlookers was clearly a horrifying prospect for the man.

Bull had had his suspicions there was a part of Cullen that wanted this to come out once and for all, despite the judgement and gossip that he evidently feared.  Bull had tried to help this along in his own way, making a point of letting him know whenever he'd bedded the boss, leaving marks for him to find, hoping that the Commander would snap and admit he wanted a relationship he wouldn't have to hide, admit he wanted the boss for himself.  But Cullen had said nothing.  Was the man so insecure that he believed Mahanon wouldn't jump at the chance?  With every fresh mark made and every indecent remark uttered, it became clear to Bull that perhaps openly being in a relationship with another man was one step that Cullen just couldn't take.  

"I didn't lie."

So, maybe Bull was wrong about this last point after all. 

"Really?!" Cassandra spluttered as if she couldn't believe he'd have the gall to carry on this farce now that she'd called him on it.  "You've been in a relationship that nobody knew about?"

"Yes."

"And how long has this _relationship_ been going on for?"

"Since our visit to the Winter Palace."

"That was nearly two months ago!  Why on earth would you keep it a secret this long?"

"It's not... not what I'm used to.  It's been difficult to get my ahead around it all."

"Are you in love with her?"

And, bam! Bull thought, Cassandra wasn't pulling any punches.  The fear in Cullen's eyes made it clear to Bull what the answer was, but he bet nothing of the sort had been admitted in private.  He surreptitiously looked at the boss to find an inscrutable expression that would be perfect for a game of wicked grace. 

"I... It's not..."  Cullen faltered, tiredness and high intensity scrutiny were taking their toll.  How much longer would this dance around the details continue?

"You're not in love?"

"Oh, Maker, that's not what I meant to say."

"Well, what did you mean to say?  Do you love her?  It's a simple enough question."  

The end of discussion was writ large upon Cullen's face now.  His more usual mask of privacy successfully reapplied, he pushed himself to his feet and simply stated, "I have to go."

"Cullen?"

Stony faced and not making eye contact with anyone, Cullen ignored her as he marched out in the direction of his rooms. 

As soon as he'd left, Cassandra looked around those seated near to her and demanded, "Did any of you know about this?  Varric?  Blackwall?"

Bull had had enough.

"Cassandra, back off!" he snapped.

"What?  _You're_ telling _me_ to back off?  I've known him for _years_ and he's kept something like this from me?  What if this affected the Inquisition?  Why else would he keep it a secret?"  She narrowed her eyes at him and added accusingly, "You know who it is."

"I know a lot of things.  Doesn't mean I'm telling."  They faced each other off across the table.  He tried to bite down on his anger: he knew she had the Inquisition's best interests at heart, he knew that she was hurt because Cullen had shut her out, but this didn't stop his annoyance at her utter lack of impulse control, her persistence taken to the extent of hurting a friend. 

She scowled in frustration and gave up trying to stare him out.  Glancing round the table once more, her eyes alighted on the boss.

"Inquisitor, do you know?"

"This is ridiculous," the boss merely said in disgust, poker face still intact.  Standing up from the table, he added, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on Cullen."

Cassandra was like a varghest on the hunt and Bull fully expected her to work her way around the table, giving everyone the third degree until she had an answer that satisfied.  If someone suspected, she'd wheedle it out of them in no time.  Feeling fiercely protective towards both Cullen and the boss, he took a breath and decided to try a different approach: remind her this was her friend's private life that she was hauling out in front of everyone.

"Didn't you listen to Cullen?" he asked, drawing another look of scorn from her direction.  "Did you not hear him say how difficult it's been for him?  Why would you insist he talk about it in front of everyone?"

"Why would he tell you and not me?"

"He didn't, and I bet Elva's the first person he's dared mention it to."  Bull let that sink in for a moment before adding, "Do you think he's enjoyed keeping this a secret from you?  Don't you think you'd be one of the first he'd tell, when _he_ was ready?"

Finally, she appeared somewhat remorseful at her actions.  "Oh, Maker."  Resting her elbows on the table and her face in her hands, she said, "I'm such an idiot.  What have I done?"

"What you do best in battle: rush in head first, tenaciously beating down anything in your way."

"And I trampled all over my friend's feelings in the process."

"Oh, yeah, you did that too." 

"I should go and apologise.  Let him know I won't be saying another word on the matter until he's ready."

"That would probably be for the best.  The sooner the better."

"Er," Dorian piped up cautiously, "Bull, don't you think--"

"Not now, Dorian." Bull swiftly cut him off, giving him a pointed look.  He knew what Dorian was worried about, but if there was a right time for Cassandra to be walking in on the pair of them, it was now while she was still humbled enough to stop and think before she let another overreaction fly.    

Cassandra nodded meekly at him before leaving the hall.  Bull looked at Dorian and tipped his head in the direction their rooms, "Time for us to turn in?  What do you think? Bit of fun, bit of sleep, then a bit more fun before we get ready for tonight?"

"Oh, if you insist," Dorian sighed melodramatically. 

Bull led the way, waiting for the questions to start tumbling from Dorian's lips as soon as they were out of earshot from the others.

"Why?  Just why would you do that, Bull?"

"Because, she's right about one thing.  If the two of them are seriously involved, she really should know about it given their positions."

" _Seriously_ involved?"

"Yeah.  Cullen might not have said who, but he admitted to Elva he was seeing someone.  That's one hell of a step for him."

"And what about Mahanon?  And you?"

"If the boss didn't give that much of a crap, he wouldn't have run off to Cullen at the first opportunity.  Anyway, I know this has been coming: he's just been too fucking polite to push Cullen into growing a pair."  He stopped to leer suggestively at Dorian.  "You know what this means, though?"

"I'm sure you're about to enlighten me."

"I'm gonna have a lot more restless energy to use up.  Think you'll be able to take it all by yourself?"

"Oh, I'm sure I'll do you proud, _Amatus_."

**

Cullen stormed across the walkway full of anger and frustration.  How could she do that to him?  He saw her as one of his oldest friends and felt betrayed at the way she had handled this.  What did she think he would say?  Yes, I love him?  He hadn't said those words to Mahanon, hadn't even admitted them to himself properly until now.  A rebellious part of him had wanted to blurt out such an honest reply in front of everyone, but his inner coward had left him stumbling over his words, caught short on the discrepancy of a simple pronoun. 

Kicking open the door, he scattered books and papers across his room in a fury, then grabbing at the chair and flinging against the wall, breaking the wood into pieces.  It couldn't change what had happened but, damn, did it feel good.     

At the sound of a soft knock, the tension in his shoulders returned immediately and he couldn't make out if he felt relieved or more anxious when he heard Mahanon's voice saying, "It's me."

"Come in."

Mahanon stepped through cautiously, his gaze taking in the state of the office.

"I guess the chair had it coming," he said, the corner of his mouth curling slightly into a cautious smile.   Mahanon studied him for a moment and asked, "Are you all right?"

Cullen shook his head, not daring to try and speak.  Immediately, Mahanon came closer, pulling him into a fierce hug.  Cullen melted into it, burying his head into Mahanon's neck, the warmth of those arms making everything better, inhaling deeply to taste the scent of his skin at the back of his throat.

"Are you smelling me?" Mahanon asked against his hair with a chuckle.  "You know how that turns me on."

In reply, he ran the tip of his nose along Mahanon's throat, inhaling again.  Turning his head slightly, he started to press kisses on skin, gently at first but soon turning more passionate, wanting to pour the rest of his frustrations into something physical.  But Mahanon pulled back to look at him directly.  That beautiful face.  The one he wanted to see first thing every morning.  The one he wanted to keep for himself.

"Cullen, I think we should--"

Cullen couldn't stop himself from interrupting; the words just tumbled from his lips.

"I love you."

That beautiful face broke into a wonderful smile and Mahanon leaned in to place a kiss at the corner of his mouth.  "I love you, too," he breathed against Cullen's skin, their faces a hair's breadth apart.

"You are perfect, you know?  I have never felt anything like this, never expected to find something like this."  He placed gentle kisses along Mahanon's jaw and asked, "Where do we go from here?"

"Shall we start with the bedroom?" Mahanon suggested with a deliciously dirty undertone.

And then Cullen was kissing him once more, drawing him close, moaning into Mahanon's mouth as he started to tug at Cullen's armour.  Hands became frantic in their urge to undo buttons and remove clothing.  Finally naked from the waist up and kissing awkwardly as they struggled with fastenings of breeches, Mahanon gasped out, "I want to feel your weight on me."

Cullen couldn't wait.  He stepped back and swept the remaining clutter from his desk before helping lift Mahanon up onto the broad, wooden surface.  Climbing on top and letting himself rest fully upon him, he rolled their hips together, burying his face back into Mahanon's neck to bite and suck at the soft skin there, enjoying the sounds issuing from Mahanon's mouth.  Hands firmly slid their way inside his breeches, holding them together more firmly then sliding back up to pull down at the fabric.  Cullen obligingly shifted onto one knee, so Mahanon could pull them out of the way more easily--

The door opened.  Taken aback at the sudden intrusion, Cullen's knee slipped and he landed with a thud on the floor.

It was Cassandra. 

"Cullen, I'm sorry, I..." she began and then stopped short as she took in his state of undress.  A glance at the table left her uttering in disbelief, "Inquisitor?!"

"Not the woman you were expecting?" Mahanon said with a wry smile.

Cullen quickly got to his feet, refastening breeches, grabbing at undershirts and handing one to Mahanon, who was now sat perched on the edge of the table.  All the while, Cassandra stood there immobile, continuing to gawk between the pair of them.

"I came to apologise," she said finally when they were somewhat dressed. 

"By barging into my rooms?"

"This is your office, and these doors do have locks.  You've evidently been very careful up till now."

"Sorry, my fault," Mahanon explained with a guilty grin, swinging his legs nervously underneath him.  "I got carried away when he told me he loved me."

She stared slack-jawed at Cullen.  "You've not said it before?"

"No," he said, feeling his cheeks reddening, eyes now fixed to the floor.  This was private, personal and the imposed openness left him feeling so uncomfortable.  "I wasn't sure if it was..."

"Reciprocated?" Cassandra finished for him.  "I tried to force you to admit it in front of everyone.  I really am an idiot."  She frowned at Mahanon and now the sharper edge was back in her voice.  "But, you're already involved with Bull.  Cullen, he's sleeping with both of you."

Cullen blurted out, "It's not as if I didn't know," at the same time that Mahanon said, "Not anymore." 

"And does Bull know this?" Cassandra continued seemingly oblivious to the looks now being shared between the two of them as Cullen processed what Mahanon had just said.  As much as this pleased him to hear, a small part of him was worrying.  How would Bull take it?  How would he react towards Cullen now?

"I'd be surprised if he didn't," Mahanon said easily.  "Ben Hassrath, remember?  Picks up on everything.  Probably realised what I wanted before I did.  Things haven't been as frequent between us lately: I haven't needed it, not when I have Cullen.  And he's been getting pretty close with Dorian.  I'm sure they'll keep each other entertained."

"I see, but..."

"Yes, Cassandra?" Cullen asked at her hesitation, starting to feel weary and hoping she would get to the end of her questions soon.  The continued swinging of Mahanon's legs distracted him, making him want to push him back on the desk and carry on with what they were doing." 

"It's just that I never realised that you liked men." 

"I never realised either.  Do you understand how unsettling this has been for me?  I would've told you as soon as I was ready."

"Do you want me to keep this quiet for now?"

"If you would.  I would rather my, our, private affairs stayed that way."  He looked at Mahanon apologetically, seeing a brief flash of disappointment on his face.  The thought of being open still left him feeling uneasy.  But he was certain that he should be the one to do it when the time came; after all, he had been the one to insist on all this secrecy.  "I'm sorry.  I still don't think I'm ready to tell everyone.  Not yet.  I'm not one for grand announcements--"

"It's okay: you don't have to explain," Mahanon said, smiling fondly back at him with forgiving eyes, eyes he could happily lose himself in.  "I can wait."

Cassandra cleared her throat awkwardly in the background.  "I should leave you two alone."

The moment she closed the door, Cullen was locking it.  No more interruptions.

"Where were we?"

"I believe you were about to make love to me on your desk," Mahanon said as he jumped down.  He moistened lips with a slow tongue, pulled the undershirt back off and dropped it to the floor before starting on his breeches that Cullen noticed were still undone from earlier.  "I do hope you plan to continue." 

"How could I ever resist you?"

Cullen stepped forward starting to undress himself and felt something inside shift and click into place.  He knew then that it wouldn't be long before he'd be able to share this openly.  There was no way he could make this wonderful man wait for him anymore.


	7. Epilogue

Mahanon woke later that day to the sound of Bull banging on the door.  Jumping down from the bedroom, he unlocked the door and was surprised to find Bull looking agitated.

"Is everything all right?" he asked as he let Bull into Cullen's office.

"Josie's is getting herself into a state over tonight's official bash, and she is starting to worry that the Herald of Andraste has disappeared and won't show.  She's already tried to find you in your rooms.  I said I'd hunt you down."

"I supposed I should get ready, pull out the formal wear again." 

Bull glanced up at entrance to Cullen's bedroom and grinned mischievously.  "You hiding from me, Cullen?" he called out in mock anger.  "So, you're gonna take the boss away from me now?" 

Mahanon bit his lip trying not to laugh as he heard Cullen swear under his breath, and he shoved at Bull's arm, mouthing, "Stop it."

"Only teasing with you, Commander.  You're all good with me."

Cullen leaned over the top of the steps.  "Why would you do that to me?"

"Because I'm an evil Qunari?  I like you, Cullen.  Wouldn't bother pulling yer leg, if I didn't."

Mahanon smiled at the exasperated expression on his face and quickly climbed up, stopping when his head was level with Cullen's.  Running his fingers through Cullen's messy bed hair, he pulled him forwards, kissing him openly in front of Bull, pleased that it only took a brief moment for Cullen to start kissing him back.

"Don't mind if I stay here and watch?" Bull asked from below.

Cullen pulled away and rolled his eyes, saying, "I'll see you in a while" as Mahanon jumped back down to leave with Bull.

"Where's Dorian?" Mahanon asked once they started across the walkway to the main building.

"Resting."  Bull actually looked sheepish for a change.  "May have overdone it a little...  Hopefully he'll recover enough to make it tonight."

"If he's not up by the time I'm ready, I'll pop by with some elfroot."

"Thanks, boss.  Knew I could count on you."

**

Josephine had really outdone herself.  In only a few hours, she had managed to transform the main hall, with banners stretching across the wooden beams, food and drink laid out beautifully on the long tables and ornate candles scattered among the dishes giving a flickering background glow to the room.  The area nearest the courtyard had been cleared of tables for dancing - she had even managed to rustle up some music courtesy of a few budding musicians among the troops. 

Leaning up against the fireplace, Mahanon listened to them practice a few waltzes as he watched the most handsome man in the room being tortured by the resident nobles.  He smirked at how uncomfortable Cullen was - just desserts for not putting Mahanon in a position where he could rescue him.  The uniform was simply stunning on him, and those hands that he fidgeted with nervously... firm hands, that held him down so well while he struggled underneath, begging Cullen to touch him, bring him closer to the edge.  Realising just how much he was staring, he tore his eyes away to find Bull had snuck up beside him, making him jump in surprise.

"Careful, boss, or people might notice you drooling over your Commander."

"How's Dorian?" 

"Still a little sore, but he'll be down soon," Bull said.  "Thanks for helping him out.  We've had a chat about him using the watchword a little sooner next time.

"I take it Cassandra apologised earlier," Bulll added.

Mahanon followed Bull's gaze back up the hall where Cullen was now talking with her and evidently using her as an excuse to make good his escape. 

"Yeah, that was a little awkward."

"Walked in on you, huh?"

"Yeah," he said, dragging his gaze reluctantly away from Cullen once more.  "Weren't completely naked, but we were well on the way."

"You all right, boss?"

"Yes and no.  I wish he'd be ready to tell people.  Stop sneaking around. I want to be able to look at him in public without worrying people will guess.  I want him in _my_ bed.  I'll wait for however long it takes, but it doesn't mean I have to like it."

"He'll come around.  Cares a lot for you.  Knows it's important to you."

Movement by the doors leading the war room caught his attention and he saw Cullen disappearing through them, followed by Cassandra, Elva, Leliana and Josephine. 

"Where are they off to?"

"I wouldn't worry about," Bull said shiftily.  "Probably sorting out a few last minute details...  Oh, look who's just come limping in."

Mahanon turned to see Dorian walking awkwardly up towards them, with Bull giving a growl of disapproval beside him.

"Oh, I'm fine, Bull," Dorian said.  "Stop acting like such a mother hen.  Besides, it was absolutely worth it."

Bull did not look impressed at Dorian's smug grin and merely grunted at him.

It wasn't long before the evening was officially started.  A few words from an unnervingly deliriously happy Josephine to those gathered in the hall followed by a short speech from Mahanon.  He thanked everyone there, made special mention of his advisors and inner circle and, as he was finishing up he was surprised to see Josephine stepping forward again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the music is about to begin," she said.  "Please could you clear some space by the doors  for dancing.  And, er, I believe Commander Cullen intends to start the proceedings."

Cullen walked over very stiffly, looking like he was about to be sick.  Stopping in front of Mahanon, he took a couple of deep breaths and then bowed.  As he rose part way up from the bow, he tilted his head up and focussed  intensely at Mahanon, reaching out his arm with an upturned palm and letting out a nervous smile. 

"May I have this first dance, my Lord?"

For a moment, he couldn't speak.  It didn't feel real: of all the ways Cullen could have made their relationship public?  The absurdity of it almost made him laugh in delight. 

"I'd be honoured." 

He slipped his hand into Cullen's, stifling a gasp as Cullen brought it up to his lips to kiss it.  Then he was being led down the hall, hearing titters of surprise from those around him.  The tips of Cullen's ears were now quite pink and he was most definitely not making eye contact with anyone, but a slight quirk to his mouth showed his appreciation of the supporting cheers from the likes of Bull and Dorian.

"When did you plan this?"

"While I was watching you sleep.  I realised that I don't deserve to have you if I won't tell anyone about us."

"So, when you disappeared with Cassandra and the others...?"

"I wanted to let them know first.  Leliana knew already; damn spy.  Josie squealed like a piglet.  She was so loud I was certain you would all hear her.  And Elva...  Elva had already made a bet with Varric earlier that it was you - she's probably wheedling the money out of him right now."

They reached the floor and Mahanon let him lead, feeling him slowly relax as they started to dance.

"There was no one else I wanted to tell directly," Cullen continued, "so this seemed as good a way as any of getting the job done, of making it public."

"The 'job done'?  Oh, you insufferable romantic."  At Cullen's pained look, he added, "I'm teasing you.  This is wonderful."

He considered Cullen's face as they danced around the small space.  It looked very happy, with eyes bright, small creases in their corners as lips smiled and... Mahanon thought of one more thing that he wanted right now. 

 "Kiss me," he said suddenly.  "Kiss me properly."

"Now?  You do like to torture me."

"You can punish me for it later."

"Oh, I'll look forward to that."

Their steps petered to a halt as Cullen pulled him close, letting go of Mahanon's hand to draw his face towards his own.  In the background he could hear music continuing to play as their lips played together, along with shouts of "Get a room!" from Elva, "Go for it, Boss" from Bull and "Yeah, conquer those manbits, inquisiboots!  Just like you conquered Coryphitits!" from Sera.

At Sera's words, he couldn't stop himself from breaking away to laugh and neither could Cullen.  They stood there grinning like idiots at each other.  He couldn't believe Cullen had gone through with this and his heart felt ready to burst.  It seemed that defeating Corypheus was just a minor achievement in comparison: the man who relished his privacy being willing to give it all up, just for him.  Now that was worth celebrating.  In private.  As soon as this dance was over.  Sooner, if he could persuade Cullen.  And with the way Cullen was looking at him right now, that was a done deal.       


End file.
